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Kiwi Humour
Yep, it is time to poke fun at ourselves as the 6th is Waitangi Day here in New Zealand.
Three Government Contractors...
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Parliament house; one from Wellington, another from Christchurch and the third, from Kaitaia.
They go with a government official to examine the fence.
The Wellington contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Christchurch contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Kaitaia contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Kaitaia contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Christchurch to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that my friends, is how it all works here!
*****
A mother and her young son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney.
The little boy who had been quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, who was busy serving drinks. She smiled and asked, 'Did your mum tell you to ask me?'
The boy answered 'Yes, she did'.
'Well then, you go and tell your mum that there are no baby airplanes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. Have your mum explain that to you.”
*****
Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic, we could track a single cow, born in the Waikato almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept anywhere in the Waikato District? And, we even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But we're unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around NZ.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
*****
Three Rugby Coaches, Robbie Deans, Martin Johnson and Graham Henry - are invited to heaven to watch the World Cup final with God.
God decides who will sit next to him by asking each of them the same question.
God asks Deans first: "What do you believe?"
Deans says, "I believe in hard work and staying true to family, teammates and friends."
God is impressed by Deans and offers him a seat to his left.
God then turns to Johnson and asks, "What do you believe?"
Johnson says, "I believe loyalty, discipline, courage and honour are the fundamentals of life."
God is again impressed and offers the Englishman a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Henry: "What do you believe?"
Henry says, "I believe you're in my seat."
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Originally Posted by Lola5
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