Thread: Mothers Dictionary

petal · 07-04-2006, 01:16 PM

MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.
DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it
STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: Able to whine in words
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

07-04-2006, 01:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
petal Super Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Horncastle, Lincolnshire Posts: 8,637 Total Awards: 5	Mothers Dictionary MOTHER'S DICTIONARY AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too. DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own. PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms. PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: Able to whine in words WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out. WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house. WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
	(AKA Mary) How beautiful it is to do nothing and rest afterwards...