Thread: The Bendy Straw Company The true story

Martin J Mosley

OK, as promised, the results of my research at Companies House, The Stock Exchange, HM Customs, and Scotland Yard.

The company was first registered some 20 years ago by a previously unknown entrepeneur, utilising the name Light. In it's first years trading, the company made a small loss, but registered the patent for it's prinicipal product, the bendy straw. From the patent documentation, it is clear that Light, being a committed alcoholic, had discovered the limitations of standard rigid straws. In her deposition, she referred to an 'inability to inbibe whilst the head was lying on the surface of the bar/table.'

In an apparent state of alcoholic delusion, she imagined how much easier her habit would become if the straw could be flexible, and therefore adapt to her movements whatever her condition.

In the three following years, the company made small operating profits, and Light was able to invest these in large quantities of Stella's patent brew, ostensibly for research purposes. It was during this period that the devious plan between Light and Stella, to defraud HM Customs, was hatched.

Essentially, the plan was that the Bendy Straw Co would aquire the asylum, known as 'The Red Lion'. (This aquisition was accomplished through a series of offshore companies with the intention that the link would not be discovered when the second part of the plan was put in place.

The second phase involved Light being admitted as an in patient at the asylum, where she was treated using apparently previously unthinkable quantities of Stella's brew. Stella was by this time an equal partner in the Bendy Straw business.

By investing in Stella's company, Light was able to offset her tax oligations. What she did not declare however, was the circular nature of the relationship between the companies, which meant that these 'invested funds' were in fact being used to sustain Light's exhorbitant lifestyle, including the yacht in the Caribbean (which was never used due to Light's overiding interest in the Red Lion Asylum) The Asylum became a major consumer of Stella's brew and of bendy straws, leading to a rise in the fortunes of both companies.

The decision was taken some 12 years ago to float the two companies on the London Stock exchange. At this point, Light became one of the richest women in England (at least on paper) However, again for tax avoidance purposes, Light assigned her fortune to the Red Lion Asylum (which she of course owned through the offshore companies) In this way she was also able to benefit from charitable contributions from various public bodies.

The progress of the company since it's flotation has been spectacular, and is exactly in parallel with the alcohol consumption of Light, which has grown at an exponential rate. Stella continued to act as the figure head of the company, thereby keeping Light well away from the prying eyes of the business press.

An investigative journalist from one of the Sunday 'red tops' began to pose questions some years later, and whilst not uncovering all the truth, was able to raise serious allegations regarding the conduct of Light, Stella, and their colleagues, Raven, Chris, Val, and a mysterious 'Monkey' The journalists also highlighted the highly disfunctional private relationships of Light and Raven. These will form the basis of a later analysis.

Sufficient evidence was uncovered to persuade Scotland Yard to undertake a full scale fraud investigation, which resulted in the recent fall in the trading price of Bendy Straw Shares.

In the meantime, Light, as devious as ever, had entered into an arrangement with the Chinese Mafia to produce counterfeit bendy straws. One may ask why she would do this? And the answer was to be found on ebay sites around the world. While her Bendy Straw company was struggling with allegations of fraud and tax evasion, Light was profitting from the sales on ebay of her own 'used' (one drunken owner) counterfeit straws. Prices on ebay achieved amazing heights due to rumeurs that the Bendy Straw Co itself would soon go into administration.

Light's link to the Chinese mafia was through Raven, a deliquent who by this time was also residing at the Red Lion, and who shared 5 husbands (yes you heard correctly!) with Light.

Stella, through all of this, was employed by the Bendy Straw Co to administer the various evasive measures described above. Things began to turn sour when Stella began affaires with the five husbands. At this point the share price was at it's lowest ever and the company appeared doomed.

In the last few weeks, however, the companies share's have been rising spectacularly (as Light has been quick to remind us all in previous correspondence) Scotland Yard are now in a position to confirm that they will be presenting a case for prosecution, after discovering not only all the above fraud and tax evasion schemes, but also the reason for the recent rise in the fortunes..

It is clear that Chris, previously a sleeping partner and substantial shareholder, has strong connections with the Russian Mafia. It is she who has involved them in the elimination of several competitors, thereby leaving the market open for the Bendy Straw Co in the Russian Federation. It is this that is boosting the current share price.

A statement can be expected within the next few days, confirming the arrest of all the principal culprits in this massive long term deception, including Light; Raven; Stella; Chris; Val; and the mysterious 'Monkey'

I hope that this synopsis of my research will assist members of the forum to see through the many untruths being proposed by the culprits.

Martin J Mosley

Update!!

Rumeurs in the City suggest an imminent Bid for control of The Bendy Straw Co, an all it's subsidiaries by Ewing Oil and Southfork Enterprises.

Raven is at it again folks!

Raven

Ermmm what you mean
"Raven is at it again"??

Chris

Hey Raven you buy m8 , can have a bendy straw with my milkshake