Thread: JUST JOKING 02.10.08

CURREY_NZ

A Dog Theme.
Enjoy, Glen

A couple of quickies:
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: *
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb"

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Bichon: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:

Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

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Seeing Eye Dogs

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."

The first guy said, "No? Watch this."

So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and walked his Chihuahua into the bar.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here."

And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye dog."

The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?"

And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

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NOT ALL HEROES ARE PEOPLE

James Crane worked on the 101st floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Centre.
He is blind so he has a golden retriever named Daisy.
After the plane hit 20 stories below, James knew that he was doomed, so he let Daisy go, out of an act of love.
She darted away into the darkened hallway.
Choking on the fumes of the jet fuel and the smoke James was just waiting to die.
About 30 minutes later, Daisy comes back along with James' boss, who Daisy just happened to pick up on floor 112.

On her first run of the building, she leads James, James' boss, and about 300 more people out of the doomed building.
But she wasn't through yet, she knew there were others who were trapped. So, highly against James' wishes she ran back in the building.

On her second run, she saved 392 lives.
Again she went back in. During this run, the building collapses. James hears about this and falls on his knees into tears.
Against all known odds, Daisy makes it out alive, but this time she is carried by a firefighter.
"She led us right to the people, before she got injured" the fireman explained.

Her final run saved another 273 lives.
She suffered acute smoke inhalation, severe burns on all four paws, and a broken leg, but she saved 967 lives.
The next week, Mayor Guilaini rewards Daisy with the Canine medal of Honour of New York.
Daisy is the first civilian Canine to win such an honour.

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Talented Dog
Tim O'Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water's edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn't believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog's wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water's edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it's owner.

Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; "Why that's great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?"

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Starlight

Light

Very funny.. Love the dog one lol..

CURREY_NZ

Gosh, is it almost a year!!!! How time flies. Glad you are enjoying them again. Cheers, Glen

Raven

great stuff Glen..

Flood

Brilliant Glen, except I think the English sheep dog would look at the bulb perplexed, and have a cuppa first, lol!!

Sally