Thread: Humour For Lovers of Words

slizzy · 28-09-2007, 07:27 PM

Subject: HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a

rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all

right now.

4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

5. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in

his work.

6. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

7. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened

criminal.

9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

10. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

12. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on

it. 13. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on

shaky ground. 14. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. 15.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. 16. A

dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

17. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

18. A will is a dead giveaway.

19. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your

Count that votes.

22. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

23. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

24. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

25. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

26. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

27. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

28. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulting in linoleum

blownapart.

29. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

30. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

31. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

32. A calendar's days are numbered.

33. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

34. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

35. He had a photographic memory which was neverdeveloped.

36. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

37. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

38. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

39. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

40. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

41. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

42. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

43. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

petal · 28-09-2007, 07:42 PM

Very good slizzy....................lol

Can I add these anagrams.............

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
>When you rearrange the letters:
>TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Flood · 29-09-2007, 09:26 PM

Lol, I like the one about the day care center, and then the one about the Mother-in- Law!! Very good!

28-09-2007, 07:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
slizzy Ancestry Aid Staff Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 16,202 Total Awards: 8	Humour For Lovers of Words Subject: HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS): 1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. 5. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 7. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. 9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. 10. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. 11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A. 12. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. 13. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. 14. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. 15. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. 16. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. 17. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 18. A will is a dead giveaway. 19. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 20. A backward poet writes inverse. 21. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 22. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 23. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 24. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 25. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 26. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 27. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 28. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulting in linoleum blownapart. 29. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 30. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. 31. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 32. A calendar's days are numbered. 33. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. 34. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 35. He had a photographic memory which was neverdeveloped. 36. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 37. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 38. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 39. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine . 40. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. 41. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 42. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 43. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

28-09-2007, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
petal Super Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Horncastle, Lincolnshire Posts: 8,637 Total Awards: 5	Re: Humour For Lovers of Words Very good slizzy....................lol Can I add these anagrams............. DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: >When you rearrange the letters: >TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
	(AKA Mary) How beautiful it is to do nothing and rest afterwards...

29-09-2007, 09:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Flood AA SUPPORTER Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: A great place in Devon called Tiverton. Posts: 5,022 Total Awards: 4	Re: Humour For Lovers of Words Lol, I like the one about the day care center, and then the one about the Mother-in- Law!! Very good!